From: Bryan Doe (mailto:misterdoe@yahoo.com)
Date: Fri Nov 23, 2001 2:55 pm
Subject: Lisa and Friends Go to Georgia, Part One
I posted this a while ago, but Paulette squawked when she saw it. She said, “You left me out of the story. How can you tell them, ‘this is how it happened,’ when you *know* I was there?” And, of course, she’s right, so here’s the revised version, with Paulette in it.
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Subject: Lisa and Friends, Again
Hi, folks.
As many of you already know, I was in Georgia on vacation from the 15th to the 22nd of July. It was an often-postponed and well-deserved trip, and I’m glad I finally got to go. I only wish I could have stayed a bit longer.
When I started telling people I was going, the general reaction I got was, “Yeah, right. You never go anywhere.” Everybody, including me and Paulette, was surprised when I was able to produce plane tickets, proving that I was planning to really get out of here this time.
My friend Lisa and her buddies, from the head-swapping story I posted here a while ago, were full of the “you gotta see this, you gotta do that” advice that people like to give out when they find out where you’re going away to. Lisa, though, surprised me with one of her questions when I ran into her on the street the day before I left, with Paulette tagging along, of course. The question was anoffbeat one about luggage.
“What kind of luggage are you taking with you?”
“The kind that holds clothes,” I said.
“I know *that,* silly,” she said, laughing and poking me in the chest. “What I meant was, are you using those old-fashioned hard suitcases, or what?”
“Naah, I never use those,” I replied. “I got this huge black duffel bag I could probably stuff a body into, and a small gray softsided suitcase. Why do you ask?”
“You don’t have one of those wheeled carry-on bags?” she continued. “They really come in handy walking through the airport, instead of lugging big bags around.”
“Hadn’t thought of that,” I admitted. “Maybe I’ll pick one up, or borrow my parents’.”
“Yeah, right. Your mom’ll call you everyday to make sure you haven’t damaged their bag. And you don’t travel all that often, so there’s really no need to buy your own. Why not just borrow mine?”
I watched her, waiting for the inevitable laughter to follow. There was none, but I *did* feel fingers pinching one of my earlobes. “You’re serious, aren’t you?” I said, doing my best to ignore my unseen pincher.
“Yeah, I’m serious,” Lisa shot back. “Why wouldn’t I be?” I didn’t answer right away, so she added, “Look, I’m *trying* to be nice, here. Would you *please* just take the bag?”
“Alright, already, I’ll take it,” I said. “I’m not convinced there’s no catch, but for what it’s worth… thank you.”
By the look on her face, I’m sure she was about to make some wisecrack, but just then her cellphone rang. She said it was her buddy Rosita, and Shirley was with her.
“Hello…” Lisa started. “Um, yeah. I’m here with Bryan. Why?… Yeah, I did… You *what?*” By now I knew not to even try to decipher what might be going on at the other end of the phone; these three might be up to *anything.* Lisa did pique my curiosity, though, by looking at me and smiling with a slightly expectant look on her face, before saying, “Well, I didn’t mention it because it never came up.” Then she laughed and looked away. I knew I was gonna have to ask what that was about, but I never got the chance, an voice plainly coming from between clenched teethwhispered, “I *have* to talk to you.”
“OK,” I whispered back. “Hold on a sec.” I pulled out my own cell phone, dialed six digits at random, walked a few steps away from Lisa, and started speaking into the phone as if on a call. That would give me the chance to have a conversation with Paulette in public, though of course she was standing right next to me. I was a little worried about Lisa overhearing us, but since she was in her own conversation I figured I would take the chance.
“What do you think you’re doing??” Paulette whispered loudly.
“Will you keep it down?” I said. “Or do you want her to hear you? I’m trying to accept her offer, since she’s being nice and all.”
“I think she’s up to something,” Paulette whispered. “It’s not like her to offer something like this just to be nice.”
“Can’t you accept that other people can be nice to me sometime *just because*?” I said.
“Can’t you think with your brain for once, instead of that other organ, whenever you’re around Miss Cutie Pie?”
Suddenly I realized what this was really about. “You’re jealous, aren’t you?” I replied. “You’re jealous of her because I can see her and can’t see you, aren’t you? You think that seeing her gives her an advantage–” I didn’t get to finish, because the next thing I heard was Lisa clearing her throat. Turning back to the phone, I mumbled a quick “Sorry, gotta go. Talk to you later. Bye.”
“Sounds like an interesting conversation you were having there, what I heard of it anyway,” she said. “Replacing Paula already, or are you workin’ both sides of thestreet?”
I tried to play innocent. “What do you mean? Paula and I are just friends.”
“Yeah, right,” she snorted. “Don’t play that with me. I heard that ‘I can see her and can’t see you’ bit. You tryin’ to date somebody that already has a boyfriend, orwhat?”
Right then there was a sudden burst of loud snickering that came out of nowhere a few feet away from us. “Did you hear that?” Lisa said, looking around nervously.
“Hear what?” I said, as nonchalantly as I could muster.
“I… I thought I just heard something,” she said, still looking around. “Anyway, I have to go. Shirley and Rosita want me to come and… I just have to go. Why don’t you stop by the house later on, or else I’ll see if I can get my stepfather to drop the bag at your house before you leave in the morning.”
“I just might do that, Lisa. Thanks. And Lisa, please don’t go telling anybody what you *thought* you heard just now. There’s a lot more to the story, and no, I’m not trying to take anybody’s girlfriend.” She started to say something, but I cut her off, adding, “Or wife.”
That seemed to cover what she was going to say, because she waved one last time, and said, “If I don’t see you later, have a nice trip.”
“What kind of trip should I have if you DO see me later?”
“GoodBYE, Bryan,” she said with a laugh, then jumped into her car and sped off.
“I really do think that girl was up to something,” a voice mumbled.
“I think it’s cute the way you get jealous whenever you think somebody shows some kind of interest in me,” I said, “but there’s no need for you to be suspicious. Lisa’s my friend. She’s wouldn’t have anything up her sleeve. You saw for yourself she was wearing a sleeveless top.”
“Joke if you wanna,” the voice mumbled, “but she’s NOT just being nice. She’s up to something, I just KNOW it.”
With that we both went off to my car and continued with my last-minute shopping. Of course, Paulette tried to head off what she thought would be trouble by urging me to buy myself a carry-on bag of my own.
I was in the luggage section at Sears, checking prices on some things, when some movement caught my eye. I turned, and saw the retractable handle on a carry-on bag pulling itself up. I ran over, nervously looking around to see if anyone else noticed anything. Seemingly no one did, so I felt safe in speaking to Paulette *almost* normally.
“What are you doing?” I stage-whispered.
“Just checking out this bag, that’s all,” came the answer, as the bag then lifted itself from the display, landed on the floor wheeled-side down, and began rolling itself around the luggage section.
“Will you put that back? I’m not buying a bag,” I said, taking hold of the extended handle to try to pull the bag back towards the display.
“But Bryan, you said you might borrow that girl’s bag. That means you might need one, so why not just buy it?”
“L
ike Lisa said, I don’t travel that much, so there’s not much point in me buying my own,” I said. “Now stop being paranoid and let me put this thing back.”
I pulled on teh handle, but still the bag didn’t budge, so I tried another tack. I ran my hand along the handle until I came in contact with Paulette’s hand. I closed both of my hands around hers, and said softly, “Look, Paulette, I appreciate you looking out for me like this, but really, there’s nothing to worry about. IF I need another bag, I might borrow Lisa’s or I might even borrow my father’s. My parents haven’t gone away anywhere in AGES, so they won’t mind.”
“Are you sure?” she said.
“I’m sure,” I replied. “There’s nothing to worry about. Now let me put the bag back, OK?”
I thought she would let go and let me put it back, but instead, she turned around and began walking back to the luggage display rack while my hands were still were still around the handle, grasping hers.
“You know,” I started, “You wouldn’t have to resort to things like this to get attention and affection from me if I knew where you were coming from more often.”
“Now, Bryan, you KNOW I can’t help that!” she said, letting go of the suitcase so I could return it to its place.
“No, no, I’m not talking about your invisibility,” I replied. “I mean you’re kind of unpredictable, and that makes it hard to know how to read you sometimes, you know?”
“Yeah, I know,” said a small voice. “Sometimes I can’t read myself. I just get scared sometimes that you’ll meet a visible girl who’s perfect for you, and then you won’t want me anymore.”
By this time we had put the suitcase back, so I turned to where I thought she was and asked her to give me her hands. I felt her hands slide into mine, and then I told her, “No matter what happens, if I find a visible girl who I like orwhatever happens, you will always be a part of my life, OK?”
“Are you just saying that to cheer me up?” she said, sobbing softly.
“No, I’m serious. No one will push you out of my life, and that’s a promise.”
We walked out of the store hand-in-hand, and went home. She helped me pack, and it was fun watching my clothes fold themselves and pack themselves away in the oversized duffel bag I was using for a suitcase. After we finished packing, we had a late-night snack, and then turned in for the night. I had a nagging feeling I had forgotten something, but fell asleep without figuring out what it was.
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I was awakened the next morning by the sound of the doorbell ringing. Then the bed started shaking. “Bryan, wake up! You’ll miss your plane!!”
I grunted and rolled over to check the clock. It said 7:30… *7:30?!* I jumped out of bed. “Why didn’t you wake me when the alarm went off?” I asked Paulette.
“I never heard the alarm go off,” she said. “Did you setit?”
Suddenly I remembered what had been nagging me the night before. “No, I didn’t. I forgot all about it,” I admitted, running for the bathroom to get myself ready. Then I stopped short. “Tell you what, Paulette, why don’t you go in the bathroom first? You can do what you have to do while I hold off my folks for a little while.”
“Sounds good to me,” she said, as I threw on a bathrobe and ran off for the front door.
“Bryan! You’re just getting up?!” my father greeted me.
“Overslept,” I admitted as he walked past.
“How can you oversleep when you have something to do?” One of his regular rallying calls.
“Honey, ease up on him, OK? Not everybody’s *perfect* like you,” my mother chimed in, then, speaking to me, continued, “Hi, honey. Did you sleep OK?”
“Slept fine, Ma,” I said, as she gave me a peck on the cheek.
“We *did* expect you to be ready and waiting for us when we got here, but you still have *some* time,” she said, checking her watch. “But you’d better hurry.”
“Yes, ma’am, I’m hurrying,” I replied, making my way to the bathroom. Paulette was still in the shower when I got to the bathroom door. Fortunately for me, she had left the door unlocked. I opened and quickly closed the door behind me, and was treated to the sight of a woman-shaped bubble in the shower, somewhat distorted by the frosted glass of the shower door.
“You might as well strip and come on in,” Paulette whispered. “You don’t have time to wait for me to come out.”
“Yes, ma’am,” I whispered in return. “But I hope you brought all your clothes in here with you.”
“Why?”
“Because otherwise you risk my folks seeing the bathroom door opening and closing by itself.”
Silence, for a moment or two. “Hmm, I didn’t think of that,” she finally replied. “I brought in my underwear but not my other clothes.”
“Oh, well, I guess you’ll just have to be extra careful,” I said, as I slid the shower door open. I froze in awe, watching the sight of water bouncing off an invisible body.
“Bryan, come on!” she said, as she stepped around me to exit the tub. “No time for gawking!”
“I know, I know,” I conceded, “but… you just don’t know. I can’t explain it, but I just love to look at you when… when…” I was at a loss for words.
“Actually, I *do* know,” she said, sliding the shower door closed. “Remember the time you complained about the whole bathroom floor being wet?” I nodded. “That was because I slid the door open, to watch myself in the mirror on the back of the door over there. Now I know what it is you find so fascinating. I’d still rather *see* myself in the mirror, though.”
I slid the door open just a *little* bit to watch the towel bouncing around in the air, wiping water off the talking bubble in my bathroom. “I see you over there,” she said. “You’re gonna mess around and miss your flight!” With that the towel dropped to the floor, and the door swung open and then closed v-e-r-y slowly.
I finished my shower, dried, shaved, brushed my teeth, the usual morning stuff, and then finally dressed and left the bathroom. As soon as I stepped into the hall I collided with someone.
“Ouch!” a voice cried out. “That hurt, Bryan,” Paulette whispered after recovering quickly.
“Bryan?! You alright back there?” my mother’s voice called out.
“I’m fine, Ma,” I answered.
“I heard you yell. You sure you’re OK?”
“Yes, I’m sure,” I replied. Then, to Paulette, I whispered, “Are you OK?”
“I’ll live,” a quiet voice whimpered. “But we don’t have time for a real breakfast. About all there’s time for is a few pieces of fruit. Maybe we’ll get something on the plane.”
“*We?* I repeated. “Where are *you* going?”
“You think I’m gonna let you go down there, with all those fine women around, and no one to keep an eye on you?”
“What if there’s no room on the plane?”
“Let me worry about that,” she said. “I’m used to making do. If I have to hide out in the bathroom, I’ll do it.”
I gathered my luggage, which had quite a few of Paulette’s things in it, too. My father naturally objected to the size of the bag.
“You moving down there or something?” he asked. “You can’t possibly need everything in that bag,” he added, reaching for it, as if he was about to check for anything extra that I might have packed.
“It’s really not that much stuff, Dad,” I said, holding on to the bag and hoping against hope that he didn’t insist.
He just nodded and smiled. “Just like somebody *else* I know,” he said, nodding towards my mother. He then picked up my suit bag and the four of us headed for the door. I lagged behind so I could give Paulette time to walk normally, without having to dash around slamming doors and whatnot. When my father opened the front door, we found Mr. Hall, Lisa’s stepfather, waiting there, a black wheeled carry-on bag resting on the ground beside him.
“What kinda bidness you and them girls up to?” he asked.
“Hello to you, too, Mr. Hall,” I said. I’d known him long enough to be able to “read in” a hello if he didn’t say it.
“Sorry ’bout that, Bryan,” he drawled. “G’mornin’. Now, what’s goin’ on with you and them girls? Last night Shirley and Rosita
each brought stuff by to have you take with you. They *insisted* that the stuff should go into the bag.” By this point I was pretty much in a rush, though I didn’t want to be rude to Mr. Hall.
“What kind of stuff?” I asked.
“Rosita wanted you to take something down to give to her Uncle Jamie, and Shirley had something or other that belongs to your friend Dave, the one you say is my cousin.”
“Lisa insisted that I bring it with me,” I said.
“Why?” he said. “I have one if you need it, and anyway you already have everything packed. You don’t need another bag.”
“Well, I thought she was offering to lend it to me, but Mr. Hall says there’s stuff in it that they want me to deliver when I get to Georgia.”
“There’s stuff *in* the bag?” Paulette’s voice whispered in my ear. “Didn’t I tell you they were up to something?”
“The girls want him to take some things down with him to deliver to Jamie Lee and to my cousin David Mack,” Mr. Hall said to my father. Then, pointing at my bags, he continued, “You got any more room in these bags?”
I nodded. “You gonna spend any money at all while you’re gone?” he continued.
“Of course,” I said.
“Then you’ll probably need another bag,” he said. “Ya might as well take this one.” Without much time to argue or to get my father’s bag, I took Lisa’s from Mr. Hall, thanked him, and packed it away in my parents’ car.
On the way to the airport, my father remarked, “You know, it does seem just a *little* strange to me that Lisa insisted that you use her bag when I have one just like it. And that she offered to lend it to you but has it delivered with stuff already in it.”
“Yeah, but you and Ma would have had a fit if I’d borrowed yours,” I replied.
“I don’t *have* fits,” my mother countered.
“Well, whatever you call ‘em, you would have had one,” I replied.
We got to the airport and waited there a little while for my cousin. Once she got there, we said our goodbyes, and came the wait for the ticket counter.
“Did anyone pack your bags for you, or were any of your bags out of your control at any time?” the counter agent asked.
“Uh, no,” I said, a little nervously. I thought about Lisa’s bag, and how I had no idea what was in it, but I knew none of my friends were terrorists.
“Did anyone give you anything to take onto the plane with you?” the agent continued.
“No,” I said, rationalizing that Lisa lent me her bag for the trip, not specifically for the plane ride.
I passed through the security gate pulling the carryon bag with me, and they told me there that because the plane was so tiny, the “carry-on” would have to be checked in with the plane-side valet. I did, and got on the plane. Once I was out on the tarmac an invisible arm wrapped itself around my waist. “I’m staying as close to you as I can, so I won’t have to search for you when we get there,” she whispered.
“But what if there are no empty seats near me?” I asked.
“Did you say something?” my cousin asked.
“No, just talking to myself,” I said.
“Relax,” Paulette whispered. There wasn’t anyone directly behind me when I reached the plane, so I wasn’t so worried when Paulette released my arm. When I got on the plane, though, I saw the flight was half-empty. My cousin had a seatmate, though, so I went to my assigned aisle seat.
“Hold on a sec,” a soft voice whispered. I stepped aside and waited while Paulette made her way past, creating an impression in the window seat beside mine.
“I think someone might see that the seat’s not quite unoccupied,” I whispered.
“You worry too much,” she shot back. Yeah, I do worry too much, but not totally without foundation; I had to nudge Paulette once or twice, when she began softly snoring. I couldn’t take the chance that the snoring would transform from “softly” to “buzzsaw.”
Two hours or so later, we arrived at Atlanta Hartsfield Airport, and what a difference between the airport I’d left from and this one! At HPN there was one and only one terminal, and the ticket agents were all in one room. At ATL (the busiest airport in the world) you deplane, then take a TRAIN! to the baggage counter, then, if you have a car parked at the airport, you wind up taking a BUS! to your car.
My cousin and I went to the baggage carousel (one of MANY) and claimed our luggage, then dragged our stuff through the terminal looking for a bus to take us to her car. We found one, went to her car, and then sped through Atlanta (the only way *anyone* there drives) to her house.
Once we got there, she left her luggage in the car and made a beeline for her bed. I went to the guest room, but on a hunch I went back and brought my luggage down to the guest room, leaving it to unpack later. Then I took my own nap.
When “later” came, I unlocked the zippers on Lisa’s bag, unzipped it, opened the flap… and yelped. There was a HEAD inside the bag!
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I tried backing up faster than my feet could move, stumbling and falling back on my behind in the process. The head’s eyes were closed, but the sound of the yelp caused the head to flinch slightly. When my butt hit the floor, the change in my pocket jingled, and that seemed to wake the head up from its stupor. The eyes opened, and there was a hint of a smile on a rather familiar-looking face.
Just as I realized where I had seen the face before, it spoke. “Hi, Bryan,” it said, smiling wider.
“Lisa?!” I whispered. “What– wh…” Words failed me, which she found hilarious. As her laughter died down, her head began to rise out of what appeared to be a flap on the inside of the suitcase, as if it were covering a hole in the floor or something. Her movements as she rose suggested that she was climbing a ladder. Once her elbows cleared the opening she was climbing through, she reached for the edge of the suitcase opening and basically pulled herself the rest of the way through the flap, which again looked like nothing more than a cloth covering some kind of hole, rather than the inside wall of a suitcase.
“How in the world did you do that?!” I asked, trying not to stare too hard at her t-shirted and tight-jeaned figure.
“Do what?” she asked nonchalantly.
“How did you fit in there, first of all, and then how did you just climb out of the suitcase? It was like you were climbing up out of a hole, and there just ain’t no way this suitcase could hold you.” I reached for the folds of black cloth covering whatever it was she had climbed out of, only for her to reach over and pull my hand away.
“It’s kind of a long story,” she said. I waited, but it was plain that she didn’t intend to tell it.
“Well? I’m waiting,” I offered.
“For what?”
“For the story. You stowed away under my ticket, so I think I deserve an explanation, don’t you?”
“Not really,” claimed another familiar voice. I turned to see Shirley, in a green camouflage t-shirt and tight-fitting olive-green jeans, climbing out of the hole in the suitcase. “There’s no way that anyone would have found us out, and even if they did, all they’d would have found is an empty suitcase.”
“Yeah,” I shot back, “an empty suitcase checked in under my name. And then they would have wanted an explanation from *me,* so how about you indulge me and start ’splainin’?”
They looked at each other and shrugged. “I guess you’re right,” Shirley said, but before she could say another word, I could hear my cousin walking around upstairs in the kitchen. The two women panicked and practically dived back into the suitcase, with Shirley dashing off a rushed, “We’ll explain later” just before her head disappeared into the hole.
“Hey Bryan,” my cousin called out from the top of the stairs, “if you want I can drop you off at Enterprise now, so you can get yourself a car.”
“Sounds good to me,” I said.
I heard my name being whispered from the open suitcase. I turned to see Shirley’s head peeking through the hole. “Why not bring the suitcase with you? We could get a car ourselves and be out of your hair.”
I t
hought about it, and it did seem like a good idea, until I remembered that it was Sunday. “I have a better idea,” I said, hoping my cousin didn’t hear. “Since it’s Sunday, I might not be able to get a car. If I do, I’ll come right back and get you and take you to Enterprise. If not, I’ll take you there tomorrow. How’s that?”
“I guess it’ll have to do,” Shirley whispered before her head disappeared into the suitcase again. I zipped it shut and ran up the stairs to join my cousin.